So once upon a last week I managed to indulge in what I can only describe as a decadent slice of humble pie. All was well and I was gallantly trotting on the high horse which I recently discovered I rode. Long story short an argument ensued sparked by an unexpected outburst from me because of an issue that had been festering in me for some time. Unfortunately I can’t divulge the full details of this argument as I wasn’t the only party involved.
Okay back to the story…so during this quarrel I was feeling strong arms flinging in the air, random punch line after random punch line. Contorted facial expressions whilst straitening a throw on the couch and patting scatter cushions to a point of beating them to a pulp. Eventually the argument ended and trouble exited paradise. Then there came a time of reflection and I was gobsmacked, I could not believe myself I even tried to re-think the course of events because I was convinced my thoughts were over the top and just down right scary, I mean with my imagination anything is possible. Who was that in that fight? it couldn’t have been me shooo…..*claps hands once*. But it was and now I could not stop thinking about it.
I was overcome by a saddening cloud of disappointment in myself. The glass had cracked and through the shattered pieces I now found myself forced to gather the strength to stand up and out of. I kept getting cut with every further unwanted thought in the direction of this new issue I had. Facing the existence of a unsavoury part of me I had on some level always prayed was not in me, I realised I wasn’t as rational or mature as I always believed myself to be and this hurt deeply.
Owning my contribution to the situation was extremely difficult because I had to admit so many things to myself and the person who had to endure the wrath of my madness. None the less I did because I had to find a way back to the course of my journey to being the best version of me I continuously strive to be.
Yes there is a lot of work to be done and life has once again with its wilful grace reminded me I’m more human than I think.
Humble pie eating competition winner 2012