Women we are fabulous, smart and extremely creative! One need only look at our approach to eyebrows to realise how true this is. Eyebrows a natural feature of our faces that serve the following purposes in our lives:
• To protect our eyes by keeping away sweat, water and possibly deflect debris.
• Assist with our communication by aiding our ability to make facial expressions.
Yet somehow we have managed to take this feature and championed it, to say the least. Often ignoring the very purpose of our eyebrows existence, a midst our quest to improve on our beauty, even to our detriment at times! A thought occurred to one day at a fish and chips shop [It was my cheat day, leave me alone!] where the cashier who assisted me, had shaved all her eyebrows off and proceeded to engineer new ones with an eyebrow pencil. I looked at her and thought, you are a legend, bold and triumphant a person if ever I had seen one. I just felt like she was powerful somehow, almost as if she belonged in key role in society like the army or police force, yes the Special Forces what what. The SANDF and SAPS has that right? At least I hope so because if we have learnt anything from American movies, it’s that you need a good army and police force… with special divisions that can protect you from anything including aliens.
Anyway back to serious matters, my mind took this to another level, what if we were to arrange an army and police force of females ranked according to our different brow philosophies. Hey…imagine that! This is how I would assign the eyebrow warriors:
1. Team Shaven
These ladies engage their brows by shaving them either by cream or Minora blade. They would be part of the tactical response teams that would deal with high pressure situations. They will be your snipers and hostage negotiators. The Minora sisters would be my hostage negotiators, who better than them, who voluntarily allow people to approach their eye region with a razor or even worse take a razor to their own eyes for the cause. Team Minora can talk people off ledges and out of a dark place after all they live on the wild side with a razor, they can literally do anything. Team Imac and Veet [well known shaving creams] would defuse bombs because if you can shape your brows using shaving cream and a toothpick, a bomb is nothing to you and fear was never a factor.
2. Team Pain
These warriors are troopers I tell you, they are the tweezers, waxers and threaders of eyebrows. Their pain threshold is unrivalled, which is why they would be sent to places far and wide to gather intelligence. As if they were caught and tortured they would reveal nothing. They could be tied up to a chair being threatened with electrocution and they would yell… “That’s nothing! Pluck my eyebrows B*tch” or “Wax me Punk”. Our secrets would truly be safe, I have no doubt about this.
3. Team 007
Would be our undercover operatives, they can by the stroke of a pencil completely change their face, thus making it easy for them to conceal their identities. Team 007 practice the art of shaping their eyebrows with a pencil and brush then using concealer for precision. They reinforce their brow technique with other practices such as contouring, where they can make a round nose look pointy using different shades of foundation. Really these ladies are skillful at masking themselves.
4. Team Fearless
Like my friend from the fish and chips shop they completely remove all their eyebrows. Armed with only an eyebrow pencil, allot themselves two and half strokes of the pencil to achieve eyebrows each day. They would simply form the front line in direct combat, as they are efficient, bold and just don’t give a F***. They would be the type of soldiers who could kill someone with a few effortless moves. That being said though, they would still need support because direct combat is no joke. Behind team fearless would be the not so talented masses also known as the ladies who just don’t even bother, with their eyebrows at all. Together they form a modern Spartan Army!!
Wow my army and police force would be untouchable!!!!